Made a shocking revelation while running today; that for 14 consecutive years, I’ve never liked change, and I’m surprised to see that I today, particularly like change in life. Or my physical appearance – could do lots of work with that (ha).
One thing I’ve noticed recently (based on the past six months), that I’ve been wanting to cut my hair. A lot. And its hasn’t yet to occur to me why, but I think I’ll get there in a few days time. (and update with an edit) Meanwhile, here’s me narrating:
I used to hate cutting my hair.
I know, I know.
What’s possibly so great about having a mass of dead cells that you can bring along everywhere? (I don’t know you could STYLE it maybe? Or you could BRAID it? Or you could EXPERIMENT with it?)
For most of my childhood years, I had really really short hair with a fringe/bangs; so the ‘luxury’ of having long hair was something always craved/wanted. (also, I must mention that I got a comb stuck in P2 and I got too lazy to untangle it so I cut the whole tuft out and looked like a rooster for about 2 months) I had vaguely shoulder length hair for about 6 months in P3 then off it went till about P6 when I started growing it out.
Y1 was quite a change; I started growing my fringe out because mum decided that my hair should be out of my face because puberty was going to come and we don’t want any of that face oil to start clogging up your pores do we!! (look where that got us I still got more than my fair share of acne anyway :<) Oh and the biennial hair straightening too.
Up till about this year (2016) I’ve never really liked chopping my hair. Its always hard to have to part with something that grows along/together with you and somehow I think I’ve always felt that my hair was this sort of safety blanket; something that I could hide behind or feel happy/good about (although the feeling of it being a ‘luxury’ has long worn off for many years – since 2010 I believe).
((Again, my hair could be an extended metaphor of me growing to welcome and appreciate change in life; but I’ll save it for another day because I’m tired and lazy and I want to finish this quickly))
Recently though, I’ve been wanting to cut my hair again despite having cut it quite a bit a couple of months ago. And I’m starting to realise why. Cutting my hair seems like a daunting task, you can’t ever get it back unless you wait for it to grow out again (or extensions but why cut then). You also face the risk of having a bad haircut and having to live with this shame and the awful feeling of feeling ugly.
But cutting my hair is great too. Apart from getting rid of split ends, I’m coming to enjoy the feeling of lightness on my head and neck, having never noticed the mass of dead cells I carry around daily. I’m growing to enjoy letting things go; and accepting them as fact, and waiting for it to grow out (anxiously, and also unmindfully); as much as I hate doing any of the above. What I think I like most, is me
surprising myself with the stupid ideas and thoughts I can come up with to do with my ‘new’ head of hair (just kidding not always) learning to adapt and change my hairstyle (yes the high/half high ponytails are DIFFERENT! there’s a different way of carrying each its own!) to its new length. And I think I’m getting sick of being the same old me, boring dull and lame too.I want to feel different again; so I can look forward to doing something new tomorrow.
I suppose this feeling of wanting to cut my hair won’t be gone for a while; I am planning to try and keep it this length for another few months and maybe snip it all off- IM KIDDING IM SCARED NO NEVER BUT MAYBE SNIP A GOOD 10 INCHES OR SOMETHING OK.
Right now, if only I had a pair of scissors, I might actually cut off a good amount of hair and throw it away (its not long enough to donate :< – note to self to do that one day)
And honestly, I don’t think I’ll miss it.
s/o to YQ for encouraging me to write something because I felt shitty after trying to write 2 lines in the drafted ‘tired of thinking’